Hello ladies it’s now 2014! Happy New Year…This conversation is for the strong and opened minded, those who are not afraid to embrace truth and honesty. It is also not meant to pass judgment, but to invoke sisterhood. Ever heard the term “you’ve been here before “? I’ve always been told that I have an old soul. I feel this is one of the reasons I love old classic movies and music. You know the ones without color! The music was very enchanting back then. Now I’m talking the eras of the 30’s all the way to the 50’s and 60’s!! Then of course I love the music of the 70’s. Sometimes I actually feel like I’m one with the earlier times!! Back then actors were actors and the writers were real writers! Entertaining these movies give me a warm and cozy feeling, a feeling of nostalgia if you will. Hey and not to mention the fashion! Ooooohhh lalala…Women were ladies and men were gentlemen. I just love the old stuff!! I have many favorites; of course romance, drama, comedy, mystery, are at the top of the list. So where am I going with this? Well I’m not one who likes to beat around the bush so I will get to the point. Buckle up ladies we are about to take a ride.
Watching one of my favorite classics one Sunday afternoon ignited the spark to this conversation. Though I have seen it a few times, it was a movie called “The Women”. Made in 1939 (re-made in’08, Jada Pinket and Meg Ryan) the original cast starred some of my fav actresses, Joan Crawford, Norma Shearer and Rosalind Russell. There were no male actors in the movie; just implications of their involvement…The premise of the movie was a love affair. As I watched this movie it sparked a question which inspired me to title this conversation “Am I my sister’s keeper”?
Here we have a woman seemingly happy in her marriage only to find that her husband chose to seek comfort in another woman. The other woman feeling a sense of security because her lover sang the old sad “I’m not happy, things aren’t working out with my wife and you’re the one that makes me happy, ‘she doesn’t” ‘song…. eeeeeerrrrch how many years did it take him to figure that out…so an affair begins. We’ve discussed the issue of the thin line between temptation and the forbidden fruit. Though I stand not as a judge to extra marital affairs it is my belief that not all of them are initiated with ill intent. No one judges the heart or motive but God. However watching this movie made me look at both women. One who loved and cared deeply for the man she shared her life with and the other who became the ‘other women’ but didn’t care about anyone’s feelings but her own. Not to mention she secretly had other love interests!!!! Actually the lover of another friend! Yikes talk about no moral compass!!! We should possess and maintain some moral boundaries, especially in sister hood.
Marriage takes two people to make it work and two to tear it apart, yes I know sometimes one more than the other. Sometimes one is giving 100% and the other 50%. Happiness comes from individual wholeness within and cannot be dependent upon another human being. However I do believe if a man isn’t fulfilled in his marriage, notice I didn’t say happy!! He should be mature enough to express this and work it out or move on, certainly not try to have his cake and eat it too…I’m not solely placing the blame on him because the old adage is true …There are two sides to EVERY STORY … THEN THE TRUTH…there are many reasons an affair may start. I judge not.
Some marriages have been known to become stronger in spite of an affair; forgiveness is a must towards healing. Yet someone who continues to cheat is a selfish individual!! Girl you said it! Yet I also wonder sometimes if men realize women get bored too! “Yes we do”, yet ladies we have all heard it…one, two, three, “women can’t do what men do”. Talk about a double standard. Ha-ha truth be told we can do it better…Okay I won’t get off track…This is serious, and people do get hurt and caught up in this type of web.
He tells her she is the one and he is no longer happy at home, yet he remains.Ahhhh hello the last I checked when something’ isn’t working YOU LEAVE!! Well, in this movie this man did. Becoming the other woman, one may receive gifts and borrowed moments. It’s a fairy tale world, so yes one becomes the fantasy and not the reality for this man. Figuratively speaking one is placed in a closet and pulled out when needed. You have no identity in his world!! Notice I didn’t say the world! We are all created special, deserving of truth and notoriety in this world. made the vow. Well is it his fault? He is the one that took the vow. I don’t think the other woman owes the wife anything she didn’t walk down the aisle with her, “allow me make a statement”. Though one may not have been the one who made the vow, there is a greater rule that commands attention!! It’s the golden rule “do unto others as you would have done unto you”. I’m sure if the shoes were on the other foot the pain would be just as hurtful. Queen Karma is a b%*&…she comes for payback and never leaves empty handed. Yep I said it again…Please understand I like to keep it real…I sugar coat nothing.
If a man is truly not fulfilled at home do not allow him to dump or talk bad about his wife to you!! This only stirs up jealousy and dissension. You may be next! Not to mention some women have been known to confront each other. Another messy result of an affair. However, first and foremost you owe respect for yourself and to the other sister. What’s one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. If he isn’t fulfilled he should man up and move on. If you are truly the one he finds true love and purpose with then set standards for him. He will either rise to the occasion and do the right thing by both women. He will do what needs to be done to be with you and release the other to be free to be loved by the one crafted for her. “Yeah, but I don’t think I would be able to trust him!” Yes I hear you but how can he trust you? He isn’t in this affair alone! And how you get it is how you maintain it!!
We are sisters of other mothers, uniquely hand crafted by the master. True Gifts (he that finds a wife finds a good thing). Queens if you will. We are precious and unique jewels; meant to be placed on a pedestal for all to see. When we are truly loved we shine better than the best diamond!!! Never allow a man to place you in the basement, closet or attic! These are places where things are stored away and collect dust. They lose their shine and purpose because they are hidden and taken out only when needed! Most times things stored there are forgotten!! You deserve more. God placed a precious price on you and holds you in the highest esteem! Payment due in full no discounts! It’s called complete commitment for life…its called love, honesty, respect, honor and integrity.
At the end of the day forbidden fruit when picked can leave a sour taste in your reality. Causing another woman’s pain or that of anyone should never be taken lightly. Women have been taught to compete since the dawn of time! We all like to think we are the better woman. If that’s so you should be the one and only! The apple of his eye, His rib! Settle for nothing less and most of all do not become a closet fixture! I know sometimes love is an honest factor but one must learn to love oneself first and demand to be treated like the jewel you are. You owe that love to your God and yourself!
In closing we are our sisters’ keepers we owe each other mutual concern and respect. Embracing the golden rule, “do unto others as you would have done unto you”. We need to develop a sister hood bond towards each other that cannot be broken or compromised .I believe men have a Man code bond so should we. There should be no concessions or compromise to true sisterhood. Karma may not come back in the same way but it will come around with a lesson. Lessons are meant to be learned to provoke growth and invoke change. Some lessons are taught by the best teacher, ‘experience’. Yet we can all learn from each other and not become judgmental. We all have to answer for our actions. God in his mercy loves us enough to forgive and see us through. Until next time … Love, keep and consider your unknown sister!!
The best love affairs are those we never had…Norman Lindsay
Affairs are easier of entrance than of exit and it is but common prudence to see our way out before we venture in…Aesop
The woman who catches a man’s eye earns a purse the woman that captures his heart earns his world. ..Chris Brew (Being Maryjane)
An isle walk does not a marriage make sometimes all you are left with is an isle walk and a moment in Time. ..Racquel Outten
Until next time my sisters grace and mercy.