Changed Relationships

Brenda Wilson

Brenda Wilson

Of late I’ve spoken to two different women both of who are struggling with a change in their relationship.  This relationship is with their age.  One recently turned 40 and the other is staring 60 square in the eye.  I found it interesting that both of these women on the surface are strong, confident, and dynamic women in their own right.  Yet this age thing is sending them for a loop around sanity.

My 40-year-old friend seems to think that she’s getting old.  She says she is more irritable and intolerant of things and has gone to great lengths to seek out more adventures than in the past.  Seriously, she bought a motorcycle and also went skydiving.  Talk about trying to recapture her youth!  We only had a few moments to talk but I assured her that her life was “not over” and she was in no way entering the last phase of life.  In actuality, her life is just beginning in many ways.

I personally have not had the “age breakdown” my 40-year-old diva is going through.  When I turned 35, I began to feel like…oh yeah…this is what life is all about.  I think I became more confident and self-assured.  I also was able to see my life without the rose-colored glasses of my early twenties and accept the reality that life is LIFE.  IT CHANGES!!!! And I began to understand that this was a good thing.  However for my budding friend, I was able to offer a few words of advice.  First, she needed to go see her doctor.  I truly believe that the root of many of her angst was hormonal.  She’s had a partial hysterectomy earlier in the year and we all know those hormones will have us thinking Satan lives and breathes within us on a daily basis.  Secondly, I told her to embrace 40!  This was the time when you feel great, look great, and still have the strength and energy to do many of the things we could not or did not take the time to do for ourselves.  When we turn 40, it becomes OK to sometimes be selfish.  USUALLY, we’re finished having our kids, husbands work our nerves but we have learned to accept that too, and more importantly, we see ourselves as women and not only as mothers and wives.   My advice to her, embrace 40 for all that it has to off (the good and the bad) and keep it moving.  There’s so much more yet to come; don’t get stuck on 40 because I tell you 50 is so sweet, I’m looking forward to 60, 70, 80, 90 and more.

That brings me to my 50+ friend who will be turning 60 soon.  She told me that she woke up one morning and found herself in a new relationship.  I was shocked somewhat because I didn’t even know she was dating anyone at the moment.  Come to find out, she is in a new relationship with ARTHUR!  Yes….arthritis J  OK stop laughing.  That truly isn’t funny.  Now this friend has always been the adventurous type and never seems to tire, and is always on the go.  However, as she “matures”, apparently Arthur has come into her life and she does not like it at all.  To myself I had to chuckle…didn’t want to offend her just yet…but I will eventually let her know how silly she’s being.  In the meantime, I listened as she went on and on about how this hurt and this didn’t work like it used to and the strange noises her body was making when she gets up in the morning!  Now if you were to look up the word confident in the dictionary, this lady’s photo would be shown as a living example of how to be a strong, spiritual woman.  She’s been my role model for decades and I find it amusing that a few aches and pains have affected her this way.

So again, I listened and once she finished “complaining”, I offered her a few of the same words I offered my 40-year-old friend.  YEP….go see your doctor and make sure that osteoporosis or something serious isn’t going on.  And start taking calcium with D to ward off that evil ARTHUR! (I need to take my own advice on this one.)  Once we got the serious medical discussion out-of-the-way, I had to get real with her.  Sometimes friends need friends who will kick them in their rear and remind them of just how blessed they are, and to stop whining about things that in reality are just changes we go through in this thing called life.

This dear friend who will retire next year…yes before she turns 60, is a world travelers, has family and friends that love her, she loves God with all her heart, and to boot…she drives a slamming Crossfire which I can get in but can’t get out of…LOL.  She owns her own home, has money so she can retire, and already has plans for travel and adventure come April 2014.

So what if the knees crack a little and the back takes a minute to straighten out first thing in the morning.  Yeah you could run over an old lady with your car some days!  That’s ok too.  When it’s all said and done.  LIFE changes and with change comes new challenges and opportunities to work thru and move beyond them.  Whether you’re 40 or 60 or even 20 for that matter.  God created women to be strong not weak!  God doesn’t make mistakes and will never give us more than we can bare.  While things may seem like they are going downhill, trust and know that as life changes we change with it…no getting around it.  The key to victory is our perspective of the change and our ability to navigate thru change with grace!

Roll on my age changing sisters.  The alternative is not an option.  Now my changes and me are going to get some Epsom salt and an Advil.  There’s yet work to be done.

Smooches, Brenda

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