Once upon a time a boy met a girl. They fell in love and one lovely day they got married. Not too long into the marriage they created carbon copies of themselves, a boy and a girl, a beautiful reflection of their love. Errrrrrrr…..Screeeeeeech!!
“I’m sorry who are you and what did you say”? Funny if you heard this same couple who had been together for over a decade utter these words. Your lips moved your body language changed, the years have flown by, kids are grown and have left the nest, but somehow the one you have been joined to all these years is a stranger. “Where did we go wrong our love? Why did we get married again? Who are you? Why did you stay, love or obligation, there is a stranger in my house! Obviously something went wrong or was it wrong from the beginning?
It is my belief that at times couples may rush into family hood a before really getting to know each. It is very important to spend time together and learn of the partner one chooses. Then at times far too often couples tend to take each other for granted focusing most on the kids, career, self, friends and a dream but not on each other. In order for a marriage to survive it needs both persons with a like vision in both life and goals and a genuine desire to invest in each other. In our last conversation we talked about the art of temptation and how forbidden fruit can infiltrate a marriage especially if both people fail to communicate and invest in each other.
Now, why did you stop dating, even in your marriage? Another crucial and very important part of the relationship for couples is to court each other for a life time. A man should spend the rest of his life earning you, not just on the wedding day. A woman should spend the rest of her life honoring and giving life to her marriage. Don’t get me wrong it still takes two to make it work and both must give 100 percent. It’s time for couples to be honest and truly decide what’s important, what’s real and true. There needs to be a healthy balance of giving attention to both entities …Though children are important and they also require some sacrifices. Sacrifice should never be to the point of surrender of your marriage. Your first commitment is to each other so that you can collectively be good for and to your children. Where have the years gone? Time waits for no one. I challenge you and ask “what was the quality of the marriage in the first place”? Is it still good to and for you or have you become strangers without even a spark to reignite the flame.
Let’s revisit that question again; what was the quality and not quantity of the years you’ve had together? Did you date and if so why did you stop? I think it’s important for couples to at least spend two maybe three years exploring and learning of each other. In other words doing just them! Yes you may have dated for quite some time but living together or ultimately marrying is another story!! Personally I don’t think it’s a great idea to live with someone and invest your time without a LEGAL and divine commitment to each other. You know the old adage ‘why buy the milk if you can get the cow for free’. I’m just sayin” Let’s face it at the end of the day all that matters is truth and being bold enough to live in it. We never intend for our relationships to end but I do believe when we look back at certain ones there are always signs that scream NOT THIS ONE!!!! WAIT!
But if you didn’t get what you needed from that relationship; life and experience are the best teacher at least you learned what you do need. Love and marriage is always a two way street not a one way lane!! I think we have touched on this before, however I do have some tips for those who truly believe they have the real deal. If you have unintentionally taken each other for granted and lost a sense of self and who you married you can always start a fire where there is a spark. This spark is purpose and destiny and the match is love (GOD). Pray for self and one another. It is said there is nothing to hard or impossible for GOD. One thing I do believe is LOVE will not be denied it will always find a way. Ask GOD to help you to find a way back to the reason why you got together.
Here is an idea. I know living in the same home for many years day in day out has probably become very mundane. So why not check into a hotel and get pretty, have your mate pick you up for dinner or a movie he can spend the night or you can send him home!! Ha-ha missing each other just for a moment may be the spark you need. This can give you both time with self and time with each other. Your mate can also check into another room or you may be the one to go home; always plan a date night or day, even weekend. Take a trip together; it can be a vacation or stay-cation!! Be creative whatever it takes to continue building your relationship with each other you are both deserving of it. Life is about change and growth so never take each other for granted. You are not the same person you were a week ago or a year ago (I hope) so you should look with anticipation of learning to love the person you are with. The issue is every day is a day you can give up and throw in the towel but each day is a choice to stay. It is my philosophy that I may be captured however, not easily but I will never be conquered for I am forever evolving into the best ME, if you plan to spend the rest of your life with this person make it great!!! So get back to love…
If your relationship is built on anything less than what we discussed in other words on quick sand, then here is my tip LEAVE. Oooooooh you tried it! NO I actually said it! The one thing I do not believe in is sugar coating! Nor do I believe in pretending. Even the good book says how can two walk together unless they agreed (Amos 3:3) and a house divided against itself cannot stand (Luke 11:17). So why do you stay? Live to please no one but GOD. Pretend for no one because life is too short. You will find that in life people really don’t give two cents about you. They also cannot be the master of your life or the judge! Judging is reserved for the one and only, GOD.
If you remain for the kids I ask you what are you teaching them and how do you help them by living in a lie. How will they learn to live in their own truth and reach their divine destiny and how will they make wise choices if one day they wake up only to realize mom and dad were never really soul mates. How do they learn what true love looks like? Especially being made in the image of truth and love and that’s GOD himself. He is truth, he is Love. Children are an extension of you and what you create is a reflection of your beliefs, morals and standards. As parents we will make mistakes, we are far from perfect. Yet I challenge you to live in truth, rear those beautiful extensions of yourselves in honesty and integrity. Be honest with yourselves and love yourself enough to walk away from anything and anyone that does not compliment you, help you grow or bring you joy! Maybe then the world will have hope!!!!
Honesty is the recognition of the fact that the unreal is unreal and can have no value, that neither love nor fame nor cash is a value if obtained by fraud…Aye Rand.
Love lives on hope, and dies when hope is dead it is a flame which sinks for lack of fuel…Charles Caleb Colton
Until next time look in the mirror, what do you really see? Who and what is staring back at you. In life don’t seek to try and find someone you tolerate and try to learn to live with, seek the one you cannot live without…peace …Truth is yours.